Before, I said loving myself will be the great love of my life. But what does that even me? This week, this is what it means to me:
It means leaving a concert on Friday night because it’s 9:30 and you and your friend are tired.
It means calling an old friend when you have had a shitty day.
It means staying out till 3 a.m. eating eggs and talking about futures.
It means saying the words pounding in your chest.
It means watching episodes of How I Met Your Mother while laying in bed on Sunday.
It means giving yourself a second to believe in Prince Charming.
It means letting go of the person that all the people close to you say is wrong for you.
It means surrounding yourself with people who you want to support and who support you back.
It means forgiving yourself each time you fail to let go.
It means allowing yourself to cry. And then cry again.
It means eating chocolate before dinner but then dinner is full of vegetables.
It means stretching your body through yoga poses, allowing the energy to wash over you.
It means putting on lipstick.
It means putting your all into your work, but then leaving you work at 5 pm.
It means listening to someone and letting his pain hit you because it’s actually a gift.
It means allowing yourself to need and be needed.
It means loving those that love you and disregarding the rest.
It means not refreshing your inbox.
It means sleeping in and waking up early.
It means letting the dishes sit an extra day.
It means choosing not to hit replay when you walk by his bus stop.
It means finding people that love you where you are and letting them love you.
It means recognizing silence as freedom.
It means being late and lost but putting your phone away to enjoy the falling snow in this great big city.
It means loving the fact that your life is full of crazy stories and people who love listening to those stories.
It means silently telling the stranger that you hope she is OK and you want her to know she is loved.
It means picking the book with the most beautiful writing to be your companion for the next few weeks.
It means leaving the house without a plan but knowing the universe will bring you what you need.
It means taking time to hear the laugh that is like a blanket on a cold day.
It means watering the plants.
It means letting them apologize.
It means allowing your mother to worry about you.
It means listening to “Giants of Illinois” on repeat.
It means realizing that you are too good for that person, and then treating yourself that way.
It means remembering what is part of your higher good and then choosing that time after time, even though right now it is excruciating.
Heather M. Mangan 