Shining

Sometimes you are going to give your heart to someone and she won’t take it.

You are going to be the good, kind person that you are and he won’t react.

You are going to extend your hand only for the person to look at it and then walk away.

You are going to show up for someone but will find yourself standing on the street corner alone.

This is not about you.

This is not a testament of your worth.

Not everyone will take what we have to offer, and that’s OK.

How many days does the sun shine without us ever paying attention to its glorious light? Yet, it shows up day after day.

I am a master at holding out hope for the people who treat me like an option, a background figure. I am not talking about just romantic connections, but people who’ve come into my life in all kinds of facets and I work so hard to prove to them that I am worthy just so I could prove to myself that I am worthy. What I have seen is that, every single time, while I put one person on a pedestal, from which he never looks down, there is an entire army of good, courageous people beside me. When one person treats me like I am insignificant, the universe sends me hugs from all the people who actively choose me to be in their lives.

It happened this weekend. After a storm of shaking sobs and doubt, I walked out into the Saturday morning sunshine. While I focused on the one who didn’t need me*, the universe reminded me that many others do. There was a friend to tell me that a tumultuous journey is a beautiful one, a 17-year-old Burmese girl who told me that the people who hurt us on are not worth keeping, a friend who chose me to call when her life upended itself, a friend asking me to come visit, an inspiring devotion that made a friend think of me, a message from a friend saying she bragged about knowing me, my mother’s loving voice, the friend who I want her to know her worth, and then a small living room with friends, music, candlelight and good food.

These are the people to focus on. These are the people that inspire me to keep giving my heart, my goodness, my all.

The others, who won’t take what we offer, are actually a huge blessing. They are not sorrow, but blessings. They remind us who matters and give us the opportunity to hold on tight to those that do.

Instead of staring at the back of the neck of the person who didn’t choose us – whatever choosing us means – let us turn to the eyes of the person who was always there. She wants your heart. He needs your goodness and kindness. She will take your hand. He will stand on the street corner with you.

Don’t let one’s ignorance of you define you. Instead, keep giving. Appreciate the darkness and shine because the people that matter need you.

 

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