The year that was and the one that will be

Since I am a “serious blogger” I should do a wrap up of 2012 like all the other serious bloggers out there.

After the mess of 2011, this year seemed low key. I mean, I was kicked out of ZERO countries this year. That is boring.

Still 2012 was a big year for me. I spent the entire year in Africa learning more about myself than I ever thought possible. Sitting in a hostel in Port Elizabeth the morning after New Year’s Even (a holiday I absolutely hate and did not disappoint me in its stupidness), I realize how much I’ve grown while still needing more insight to these issues and feelings that are so deep that it takes two years of life in a foreign place to deal with them. The worst parts of me came roaring out this year and I had to pick apart my actions and emotions to understand why they did. That sucked, but, ever so slightly, I am becoming comfortable with who I am, accepting the bad with the good.

At many points in the year, I wondered if  I was wasting my time in Lesotho. At the end of this year, when I return to the U.S., I will be 29. I suppose at the age it is expected to have life figured out, but I will be starting fresh. I will not have had an income, a relationship or access to YouTube in years. Years. I won’t even have a wardrobe expanding past worn  Africa clothes.

But we all know, even when I am yearning for some type of comfort, that this year – and the one that will follow – is anything but a waste of time. Coming to Lesotho has completely changed my life, even beyond the emotional dribble that I make my poor readers endure. Yes, I’ve grown as a person and yes I know myself better than ever and yes I don’t freak out when I purchase a bus ticket for the wrong day and have to spend three times as much to travel across South Africa in order reach my intended destination (more on that later), but there is more to it. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am truly out in the world and living. Every day that I get to stare out the mountains from my village and hear cheerful greetings from giggling children I know that I am exactly where I need to be. I am not sure I’ve ever felt this confident about my position in life and that is truly a remarkable year.

I am not going to go into what happened this year because I am ready for the next set of 12 months. This morning I will go to the beach with my friends and continue to enjoy the escape. In a few days I will go back to Lesotho and prepare for a new school year. In March I WILL run an ultra marathon. Then maybe there will be a trip in June or July, another birthday and, of course, my return to the States in December.

Sure I got resolutions like everyone else but my biggest goals are letting go and embracing. I want to enjoy my last year in Africa (for now) as much as I can and maybe even, for once, appreciate this gift I’ve been given.

This post is a bit sporadic but I suppose that is how one feels at the end of year, with emotions and events swirling in and out of conscious. So, the best I can do is say that 2012 was an important year to me but 2013 will be even bigger. It has to be. That is just the life I lead.

So, wherever you are, I hope that you rang in the New Year with loved ones and hope for things bigger. Cheers to 2013.

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