So, um, I forgot yesterday. It’s not that I wasn’t thankful but I guess I was just tired. I should have thought about this more, though, because I woke up in one of those woe-is-me states and sort of stayed there. Lately I’ve been practicing resilience. As my therapist tells me, I can’t expect to be 100 percent free of tough emotions and hard days but I can learn to handle them in more thoughtful ways, aka, not stuffing myself full of fried food or drinking half of a bottle of wine. It’s not fun. Crappy emotions make you dig through things that hurt and in order to free yourself from them you have to accept that they are there, accept that they hurt and accept that you don’t need them.
As much as I don’t like it sometimes, I am thankful for these “problems”. I know that I can become a better person if I learn to embrace them instead of finding quick fixes.
I am also thankful for perspective. My problems are nothing compared to this man’s, yet he sings.
I am thankful for days off
I ran. I did yoga. I cooked. I wrote. I talked to an old friend. A lovely winterish day.
I am thankful for my health
For as much as I complain about my body, it’s pretty great. I’ve never been hospitalized. I’ve never gone in for a routine checkup and the worst came back. I’ve never wondered how to pay my medical bills. Sure, I’ve had a couple scares, but that’s all they were. Sometimes I am nearly in tears thinking about how lucky I am with my health. I have all my major organs and limbs. I get good grades when I visit the doctor. And health doesn’t stop me from doing anything. So, so blessed, I am.
I am thankful for the things not in my life.
I am thankful for the jobs I didn’t take and the ones I wasn’t offered.
I am thankful for the men that left my life and those that I walked away from.
I am thankful for the cities I didn’t move to, the friendships that ended, and the opportunities I missed.
Because what I have now, all that currently makes up my life, is enough.
I am thankful for quiet nights and long phone calls.
In the last 24 hours I’ve talked to three of my dearest, my Basotho family and my mom. Sometimes life takes us away from the ones we love, but they are still there.
Tonight I made a great dinner and am drinking wine while watching a movie and my laundry spins. These are the nights fantasized about those nights in a cold but.